I was doing so well, keeping it at bay, but it has been tugging at my strings for a few weeks now and I cannot fight it any more, depression is back.
I try to stay positive, doing the work I do interviewing people who are making such a wonderful difference in the world and their living in meaningful purpose keeps me upbeat, but not even that helps right now.
I just feel the despair of the world, the hate the fear the cripple ignorance and unwillingness to be a part of the solution rather than its problem.
I try to live in simple joy, to love life and all its blessings, to seek out the possibilities that we can do and make opportunities in doing them. But, everything feels like an uphill climb a road block a waste of time. Art by Natasha
I know that my soul and heart believe in humanity and believe in love and believe we can do better, but then I see the news the entrancement of hate the ignorance of fear and I wonder why I do it. Why do I speak of love life light joy, hope, and possibilities if the world is so hell bent on hating destroying killing and the loving of living in fear?
Because if I don’t I may as well give up now, I may as well curl up and die, I may as well give in and be a speck of dust for that is all I would be if I stopped trying stopped caring stopped loving the possibility of life.
So what do I do? Do I walk away from 6 plus years of radio interviews of those who embrace the wonders of life? Do I retreat and fade away? Do I just go back into mindlessness and be nothing stand for nothing care for nothing?
This is my time to reflect, to rethink, to try and renew my passion for the planet for the people in it for the wonders that could be for the joy for living if we only try. I will over the Christmas period I will take a good hard look at my life and see where it is meant to go. I am the only one person who believes that we can if united heal our world and each other in it. Am I wrong? Should I go on? Is it time to call it quits?
Depression does hurt, and no a pill does not help, (although I may have found one that takes away the despair at last), but when it gets hold of you it distorts your world and everything in it. All I can do is hope that I can overcome again and rise above it, all I can do is go in and find a place where love resides and my soul can thrive once more.
Illusion is the way people chose to see me, I am strong and fight for the right for others to life in freedom dignity empowerment love and peace, but I battle with finding it within me.
This too will pass, I hope, my dog is at my feet, for she knows I need her love.( she has since passed) I will put on a brave face for my kids and be that cheers and the Christmas feast. But in my heart and soul I know my spirit is hurt and it will take global love and the healing of the planet to make it free once more.
I do not write this for pity but to bring awareness of the negative energy out in the world and how it affects people like me like you. Please stop hating hurting killing not caring, for if we want this planet to grow in love in joy in purpose and in truth, we must step up and be its solution, be all its needs, and come together will love and build that divine bridge to peace.
I wish you all a very wonderful FESTIVE SEASON and may you come together in joy love kindness and raise our GOOD VIBRATIONS so we can heal our world.
UPDATE: I am under control now the medication is working, but please be mindful that there are so many like me out there struggling every day and it is so much harder at this time of year.